I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
