I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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