Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
