Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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