do herpes really smell.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
