He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
