No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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