I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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