Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
