Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i've created a new STD.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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