jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
