i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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