this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
