The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's like iHOP with fire
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
