around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
