Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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