I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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