You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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