Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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