dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
