We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
