Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
