it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize