I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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