she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
