I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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