Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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