i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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