the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
