I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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