Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
