oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
handjob tips. give me some.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
