The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
