closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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