Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
