I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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