The maid of honor just puked.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
