i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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