Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
