what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
