I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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