the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
