Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
