ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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