it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
