I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
