i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
