Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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