i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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