I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
