Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
