Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
