have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
