he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
