i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
two words...techno handjob
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
