we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
