And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
