I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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