It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
