Quick, to the slutcave!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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