I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
