I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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