yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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