I think I won the penis lottery.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
