I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
