Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
