I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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