I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
