When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
